Dealing with the issue of Scammers

Before going into detail I think it's important to provide a little background into how most agencies operate. We are restricted to operate just within our geographical area, so in practice that limits us to our own cities. We see all of the applicants personally, actually here in Poltava we interview each woman in detail before deciding whether we should accept her as a client or not, we check her passport to confirm her identity and marital status and we stay in regular contact with her to assure that she is still looking to meet her soul-mate. Unfortunately not all agencies are that concerned and the biggest group of scammers does not have to produce anything for they come from the number of women who contact men directly, usually answering ads the men have placed on-line. Most men that contact me have done just that, placed on-line ads and the women wrote to them first.

Now actually that seems like a good idea in theory, just sit back and have all these interested ladies write to you. But unfortunately there are a small army of people, they may not always be women, that are answering every profile…just like sending spam mail because they understand the 'game', they know no one is checking them. It should be understood that owning a computer at home that is connected to the Internet is not common here in Ukraine, PCs are still relatively expensive for an average person and we pay for the internet per kilobyte as well as for the phone call, so it's rather an expensive luxury. But for these scamming women it's a tool of the trade.

The letters that these men receive are roughly the same sort of thing, they are not very specific and rarely do they address things that the men have written about. But one thing is pretty common and that is the speed in which these 'women' develop feelings for the men. It is not uncommon to mention love after 4 or 5 letters. Now guys, get real, if a woman writes that she loves you after exchanging just a few letters….. run a mile. It might be good for the ego, but it is not realistic. But scammers play to men's ego, they send sexy photos of themselves (quite strange behavior for a genuine Ukrainian woman), they write what the man wants to hear. Her name changes, but her address is always the same. So that's easy for me to clear up, I just send them ten copies of her letters all declaring her love for Bob, Jim, Jerry, Steve, Adam, Bill, Roger, Brian etc etc as well as the many photos I have of her. That's easy. The other usually involve name checks, address checks, phone records and the best of all, a flower delivery with the pre-requisite confirmation photo as well. Scammers hate this, they love anonymity and they think that here in Voronezh they are beyond the reach of any man. It's a big surprise when I turn up on their doorstep!! :)

There are a number of things that one has to bear in mind. Firstly and most importantly, if you are searching for your Ukrainian bride you have to understand that this involves a trip to Ukraine to see her…this is a given. The Embassies want to see that your relationship is real so showing that you have travelled to meet her and her family is always what they want to see. The majority of scams involve money for travel to the man's country. Most single Ukrainian women will not be given a visa to visit a man she has never met, it would be extremely rare.

The next bit of advice is going to sound as if it was written in my own self interest…but it is not. I genuinely believe that to protect yourself you should go through a reputable agency, one that has your interests at heart. Here in Poltava we operate a small agency, we don't have thousands of girls, but we do know all of our clients and as a Portuguese man who was in your shoes, I know what you are going through and I look after your interests. Some of my other colleagues may also operate in this way and there are other agencies that are genuine and will provide you with the support you need, I do not claim a monopoly on honesty! Having an honest and reliable partner in your search is worth its weight in gold, believe me.

No self respecting Ukrainian woman will ever ask you for money, they are a proud people and would not want to be indebted in that way. At my agency I do not charge the girls for our services so that helps them enormously, they have no costs involved in communicating with you. I have been doing this for 3 years and I have never come across a situation where a woman has asked for money….never. Many scammers write about their terrible financial situation, looking for your sympathy, that is a big no-no, genuine women will not write such a thing, it's not in their character.

Beware of women that declare their love for you before you have even met. This does not automatically mean that she is a scammer, but recognizing scammers' methods is always a good thing and this is useful to have stored away in the back of your mind. Of course these 'romantic' letters stand out as different from the rest you may get. But I know Ukrainian women, I live here and I see letters every day, and I can say that a Ukrainian woman is usually reserved in what she writes to a man, so yes, they may appear not as 'exciting' as those from the scammer…but that is the character of a Ukrainian women who has not met you yet.

Scammers send letters very quickly. Of course they do, it's their job. A genuine woman has a life, maybe is a single mother, she has to work, travel (rarely will she drive) and while your letters are very important to her, sometimes they have to wait. We turn letters around the same day, but you should try and understand that your lady will do her best, but it's not as quick for her as it is for you sitting at your PC at home. Are her letters specific to you? Scammers do not have time to tailor every letter to each man, so they tend to be generalized and about nothing in particular, except that she cannot live without you, how lucky she is, love is so special etc etc blah, blah, blah..

Is this journey you are on easy?.... No it's not. Are the stories of scammers true?.. Unfortunately yes, there are always people looking to take advantage of someone else. But do not let this put you off, nothing of any value in this life is easy and I always tell people that the rewards of this process far outweigh the risks. Just remember some basic things and don't let a pretty face over-rule common sense!

So, here are my tips, I hope, they can help somebody to avoid a problem:

1. Do you need to be careful? Yes, you do, however you should not go too far with that. If you have a profile without a picture on some site and hardly ever get any replies from ladies and then have bunches of love letters from some kind of a Ukrainian beauty, ask yourself: what is there that could make her fall in love that quickly? Would you be able to fall in love with the profile you made that quick?

2. Ukrainian girls have less technical possibilities than those, who live next door to you. Bunches of professional photos is a reason to think twice before getting close to that person. If she is a simple teacher with a minimal income and meanwhile she sends you something, that looks good enough to be published on the cover of the magazine, ask yourself where these photos come from. A lot of photos that I have seen here were "too good to be true" Style, light, make up, quality- those things can mean that the photos were taken from a model agency and have nothing to do with the person, who writes to you.

3. What kind of photos should they be? Usually maybe made by a professional photographer, but not top-model type. To be sure you can ask her to send you later on a specific photo (not in your first letter of course). She says she lives in Kiev? Ask her for a photo, made next to the Lavra/with her kid/in the garden/next to her office (according to the info that you have). If you are polite and ask nicely, showing interest to her and her life, "normal" woman will make it and send it to you.

4. You can ask later on for the photos she sent you before. You can say, you lost them and would like to have them again. If she uses photos of other people and sends bunches of letters to different guys, she may get confused and send you photos s of a different person.

5. Letters. This is the first thing that can make you recognize a scammer. First letters can be neutral, but the further it goes the more specific the letters become. If your name is still mentioned only in the headline and never shows in the letter after that, it is a reason to think that the letters are made for mass use and are sent to a lot of people.

6. To move to a different country is a big step, if she never asks you about your life, work, family (not in general words (how are you today?), but specifically (how was your weekend in New Jersey?) it is strange that she wants to come to visit you next Thursday. If she is interested in you, she will ask you questions about your life, ideas, news, and lifestyle BEFORE she decides to visit you.

7. You write to each other, so her letters cannot be a separate thing from what you write to her. If you say that your aunt died/ your son went to school/you got a promotion and she says, that the weather is still fine, it is a reason to have doubts about the letters.

8. If you keep in touch for a while (a few months), she shows deep interest and she is ready to share her life with you, her profile will probably get removed from the dating site, where you found her. If you are both ready to get married, why is she still looking for guys online?

9. If everything seems to be ok, but you still have doubts, you can send a reply to her profile as a different user from a different email address and see what you get as a reply. Once again, the first letter you get then may be the same as the one she sent to you first (a lot of people have a pre-made letter for getting in touch with other people), but the other letters have to be different.

10. If she is planning to come to you and loves you like crazy ask her as a different user if she already found anybody online. If she is a scammer, the reply will always be no.
There are other things that can make you doubt. However these tips may help somebody not to take a normal woman for a scammer, I suppose, that also can be useful.
Good luck and remember; we are all different!